Black 'n' White are here and they don't intend to go away. They are hard, they've got issues and they want you to know that they won't be messed with.

They are exactly what they say on the CD cover. One of them is black and one of them is white. The result a dark and dirty street album with infectious beats and lyrics. They "wrote this album in two months. How long would you take?" Good question.

Totally Devoted to...Themselves:

You can tell that "Older N Smarter" is a rap record because Black 'n' White's debut album is full of self referencing rhymes: "Black and White baby!" is one of the first lyrics we hear on opener "Welcome".

Few other genres have artists so keen to talk about themselves. The Beatles had "The Ballad of John and Yoko", but that was one song, not an entire album. Black 'n' White, in contrast, love to rap and rhyme about themselves as much as possible.

The Ego Has Landed:

This is most apparent on second track "Verbal Combat". If Black 'n' White are to be believed, they are "the cream of the crop". When they rap they "execute weak Mcs frequently" with "bionic rhymes on the mic - no rehearsal."

To say that Black 'n' White have self belief is a huge understatement. Perhaps it is the definitive understatement. The album opens with a demand to "take us seriously now". It closes with a piece of advice: "You don't want to f**k with me/Only real people ride with me...Your eyes can't see what I can see."

It's All Relative:

This is the message written through the album like Blackpool Rock. We are great. We are incredible, and if you don't believe us, you don't get it, because you are just out of touch and you don't understand.

This idea is intertwined with two other themes: respect for an absent father ("Older n Smarter" and "What you Gonna Do?") And disrespect for women who mess with them ("Shit You Put Me Through", "Sick of You Knockin" and "Gotta Go...").

Daddy's Boy:

The father thing is most apparent in "What You Gonna Do". The song is about someone whose father was "taken away by force". The singer talks of crying in his sleep, wondering what "Daddy's weeks been like/What does he look like?" He wants to impress his father.

The final lyrics run "if [the people closest to you] ain't there for you, how are you supposed to learn". He misses his dad, because he knows he could learn so much from him.

Girls, Girls, Girls:

It is the theme of disrespect for women that lets the album down. Rap music is well known for its misogynistic lyrics. Black 'n' White's songs are no exception. The defense of lines that say "bitch you better go" would be that the tracks with those lyrics relate to a woman who has been cheating (to the point that our cuckolded narrator advises other men to "not have sex unprotected" with his ex).

However, even when not talking about cheating, the lyrics do not treat women well. "A New Day" with its day to day tale of Sex, Drugs and.... Er Rap is a case in point. Perhaps this is not surprising. As early as Track 3, "Older N Smarter", you'll find a line that goes as follows: "You see me in the street/People say I'm ther best/I'm focused now/But still get hypnotised by big breasts."

The message is clear. Women are only good for having sex with. And when they decide to go off with someone else, you retain the right to retaliate in whatever way you like. And this includes fantasising about killing her ("You played my head girl - now I've got a gun" as a line runs in "Ever Dreamed of Killing").

Radio Black 'n' White:

There are moments of lightness, of course. "Good Morning" is a spoof radio chat show where three people with appalling regional accents phone in from Newcastle, Liverpool and Birmingham to say how great Black 'N' White are.

The Scouse fan phones in with the following observation: "It's nothing original, but it's ok." Even this might be an overstatement. But what would I know? It's probably people like me that Black 'n' White had in mind when they wrote "Lyrics 4 U Critics". "You don't want to f**k with me" runs one line. Oh dear. Looks like I just have.

17/10/04