The release of an album by a band like The Pipettes puts a listener like me (and maybe you) in a bit of a quandary. On the one hand, this is music that was probably played at my niece’s primary school disco last week, so (the wisdom should go) it’s bound to be awful, isn’t it.

On the other hand, who am I to judge a musical style just because I personally don’t like it as much as that Leisure Society album I bought last week? Surely, music should be judged on its own merits. It’s pointless slating a band because I don’t relate to their particular genre. That would be a sweeping discrimination. I’d probably be being music-ist - if that was a word.

So, having considered the issue very carefully, I think I can say, without fear of conflict of musical interests and with as much impartiality as I can muster that The Pipettes’ Earth vs. The Pipettes is bland, boring and dull.

The 2006 release of We Are The Pipettes was greeted with much enthusiasm. The Pipettes were seen as leading the way in reviving a pop phenomenon that was last heard in good health before the arrival of The Beatles. That particular record featured a retro late fifties/early sixties sound (“You’re kisses are wasted on me” and “Pull Shapes”) merged with a style borrowed from The Waitresses (“Dirty Mind”). The sound was arch, knowing and ironic while showing genuine affection for a bygone era.

By contrast, Earth vs. The Pipettes has put such hopes of reviving that era to bed. Instead the band (now a duo following a complicated change in line up) have decided to concentrate on resuscitating another style: late 80s pop. Flogging a dead horse might be a better way of putting it. From the Pop/Country and Western gallop of an introduction to “Call Me”, you know we’re in for trouble.

Stock, Aitken and Waterman’s crimes were generally awful. However, with the exception of this year’s Eurovision effort, they were thought to have been historic. The phrase “never again” may well have been first attributed to Winston Churchill, but it has been used countless times since to assess the careers of Sonia, Sinitta and Rick Astley. Now, in this new Pipettes album, we are coming to terms with the fallout as a second generation seem to be repeating the sins of their fathers.

Earth to the Pipettes is pure musical froth: the songs aren’t so much sung as they are chanted, buried beneath a pile of eurobeats and synthesised mush to hide the poor quality of the vocals. The album borrows heavily from other artists’ styles: the melody of “Thank You” sounds like it’s a hair’s breadth from descending into sub-Leona Lewis “Keep Bleeding” twaddle. Elsewhere, “Stop The Music” is a Lily Allen song without the attitude while “History” recalls Gina G’s “Oooh Ah…Just a Little Bit”.

Each track is, as you might expect, either a love song or just-broken-up song. Occasionally they are, confusingly, both - as is the case with album finale “From Today”. The result is a collection of twelve songs whose individual components have all been heard before. Of course, this genre of music can be done well. The Pipettes’ first album was testament to this. See also the enchanting bubblegum pop found on The Pierces’ debut.

Meanwhile, drunken cheese nights at your local night club will play S-Club’s “Reach for the Stars” until the end of time. By contrast, it seems unlikely that anyone will be reaching for Earth vs. The Pipettes anytime soon. And that includes my fictional disco attending niece.“Stop the Music”? I wish they would.

3/10
Release Date: 28 June 2010

Label: Memphis Industries

http://thepipettes.org/

www.myspace.com/thepipettes

09/06/10 - First published on www.noizemakesenemies.co.uk on this link